The major things people never tell you.....the real facts of life.

Don’t you think life is one big conspiracy people never let you in on the bad stuff......?

When you’re pregnant they say oh the endorphins’ kick in during labour and you forget the pain after and you have a beautiful baby – yeah when do they kick in when you’re delirious with pain and you have called all the medical staff every name under the sun and your partner well ....... let’s not go there.

You get to 30 years old with not a line or wrinkle on your face and on your 30th birthday you think okay getting older is not that bad ...... 30 and two days and you see some small crow’s feet or “laughter lines” and they just keep on coming and then the hair it either starts to go grey or you find more and more of the dammed stuff growing everywhere chin, etc;

Forties people say the best time of your life and you’ll enjoy it.... So much to look forward to but what they don’t say is after you have scoffed your 40th birthday cake and finished of the champagne a single carbohydrate must never pass your lips ........NEVER.

Carb’s are the enemy of the 40+ woman they stick like glue to your hips , your breast, your belly, your ribs , your ass ........like every bit of pasta, potatoes’, bread, rice and cake is welded to your body.

I never understood “a moment in your mouth forever on your hips” till now.....

Today I have now told my daughter it’s like telling your child there is no Santa or tooth fairy but I feel she needs to know. Alice is slim and fits in tiny skinny jeans and scoffs junk food and eats carb’s with every meal – scoff she may but when she hits 40 she will find out her mother was right !

So now I know Carb’s are the enemy why do I lust after lasagne, mashed potatoes, crisps........