A night out with a snarling Chihuahua......

I had a lovely evening at Drapers saw lots of old colleagues and friends – we are a big happy fashion family.

I did have some nice tiny canapés but I wasn’t the blimp stood by the kitchen door clearing the trays as they appeared .......... way too much champagne.

I also felt good about myself my dress wasn’t tight and I enjoyed myself.
I roared with laughter in the cab home as the goodie bag had a huge bar of chocolate which I gave to the cabbie and then I saw a pair of Lytess slimming pedal pushers.

They reduce your hips and thighs in 18 days with their caffeine and Shea butter capsules – the only trouble is I’ll have to slim some more to feel the benefit I got the small / medium size.

Apparently they can knock 5.5cm (2 inches) off your hips and 3.1cm (1 inch) off your thigh – I’ll keep you posted .

Night out........

Tonight I’m off to Drapers the fashion industry bible “Great British Fashion Event” one of those nights money can’t buy where we celebrate the great British fashion businesses.

So Marks and Spencer is 125 years old and Selfridges the iconic department store is 100 and the young fashion brand New Look has just hit 40 so obviously fabulous.
So had to get a new dress and shoes........ Shoes okay I’ll get those first as I can work the outfit round those and everything will be okay?

I’ve gone for a satin tiered sheath dress from Monsoon a British company – its slimming and I hope I look slimmer after all this effort.

I’m now working on the head and feet theory – if I pay attention to my hair and then my feet no one will notice the body in-between hidden by a very large clutch bag with a snarling Chihuahua on it...

I have spent this afternoon in my Velcro rollers getting my very straight hair to play curly for one night (fat chance).

I’m going to wear my super strength tights so they grip and hold just hope with some of this weight off the force of gravity doesn’t start to drag the top down and I have an unsightly bulge or second bosom effect after a few drinks.
I have also just eaten ham and eggs so I’m not going to nibble.

How do you motivate yourself.......?

I’m obsessed with fashion and I hate being fat/ chubby and having a protruding belly and larger breasts as my clothes doesn’t fit or hang well.

Blouses and jackets gap and I feel people just see this rotund woman who bulges so I end up buy accessories and shoes and bags and sulk because I can’t find anything to fit and have huge dramas because I looking my bursting wardrobe and have nothing to wear – yes I have clothes but nothing to wear I feel comfortable in or look presentable in.

So I now have two dresses which I can wear they don’t bulge, gap or make me look like I’m pregnant. I’m only wearing those until the weight comes off & I’m going through all my accessories and shoes to make them look different so taking one black sheath dress I’m adding colour with pinks or reds and then if it’s an evening event – black and some pearls.

In effect I have a capsule wardrobe and I know I’ll get bored so the only way to break the boredom is to lose weight so the rest of the wardrobe opens up like a magic cave........

So this is the day dress – I call it my cocoon dress from Marks and Spencer – it’s a long sleeve shirt dress and is short enough to show my legs but not too much.........

I have been out today to Drapers and then onto another meeting with opaque tights and my super bargain ankle boots from Marks and Spencer’s ......... it was warm enough today to wear without a coat.

I feel hidden in this dress but it’s not voluminous that I feel I’m wafting in a huge tent.

Exercise.......

Yes I know everyone hates it........ How you fit it in and if you’re not a gym bunny would you like to venture into a gym when you’re feeling fat and old NO.

So I’m now on day three of a new regime.
On Sunday the clocks went back so now it’s dark earlier so under the cover of darkness Mr. Biggie and myself go to Battersea Park and we do a circuit – on the final straight home we have a long path and I chase Biggie........... So I’m running and exerting myself and I’m raising a sweat and out of breathe but no one sees me.

Chihuahua chasing it’s a new discreet way of exercise for the 40+ woman

A blog a day helps keep the fat away..........

After posting my lardy belly into cyber space aka the World Wide Web I thought actually blogging every day does help as I have to be accountable and it helps rationalise my thoughts.

What am I doing today will I fall into bad habits – will I scoff the wrong food because I didn’t plan ahead.

Here is a woman who plans her wardrobe out for a week........ Yes down to shoes, scarves, jewellery and of course shoes ...... but food no!

Then I’m bitching because I can’t fit into anything........... Well now no more.

Might as well let it all hang out there besides Sparks People and Fabulously 40 and beyond.............

The major things people never tell you.....the real facts of life.

Don’t you think life is one big conspiracy people never let you in on the bad stuff......?

When you’re pregnant they say oh the endorphins’ kick in during labour and you forget the pain after and you have a beautiful baby – yeah when do they kick in when you’re delirious with pain and you have called all the medical staff every name under the sun and your partner well ....... let’s not go there.

You get to 30 years old with not a line or wrinkle on your face and on your 30th birthday you think okay getting older is not that bad ...... 30 and two days and you see some small crow’s feet or “laughter lines” and they just keep on coming and then the hair it either starts to go grey or you find more and more of the dammed stuff growing everywhere chin, etc;

Forties people say the best time of your life and you’ll enjoy it.... So much to look forward to but what they don’t say is after you have scoffed your 40th birthday cake and finished of the champagne a single carbohydrate must never pass your lips ........NEVER.

Carb’s are the enemy of the 40+ woman they stick like glue to your hips , your breast, your belly, your ribs , your ass ........like every bit of pasta, potatoes’, bread, rice and cake is welded to your body.

I never understood “a moment in your mouth forever on your hips” till now.....

Today I have now told my daughter it’s like telling your child there is no Santa or tooth fairy but I feel she needs to know. Alice is slim and fits in tiny skinny jeans and scoffs junk food and eats carb’s with every meal – scoff she may but when she hits 40 she will find out her mother was right !

So now I know Carb’s are the enemy why do I lust after lasagne, mashed potatoes, crisps........

Okay my scales were duff ........so I’m bigger and fatter than I thought.

I had been working on the fact I weighed 174 lbs ............oh no I weigh in at 184lbs so I had kindly knocked off 10lbs.......... I went to the doctors and got the nurse to weigh me on her calibrated scales.

How do I feel about this – actually better as I now know that I weigh 13 stone 2lbs and I need to get to 11stone to be back where I should be. I know I have lost weight due to my clothes – I can now fit in some black jeans that have not seen the light of day for around 18 months.

So I’m now getting Alice to take a picture of the “offending” area every week in the same jeans so I can see the difference not just feel it and just add the pressure on me.

Invisible pants my big fat ass........

As I have got fatter and fatter I have gone from slinky matching sets to larger and larger knickers ...... and obviously more conscious of my visible pant line.

So I now wear these huge numbers which are called "invisible knickers" – the other week I spent a horrible Sunday afternoon in a fitting room in Marks and Spencer trying to find a dress to wear which would look smart but also slim me down – yes I’m searching the racks of Britain’s best loved store for a miracle ! I know Sir Stuart Rose is in the middle of a turnaround but please even he can’t magic 15lbs away with a frock!

As I’m in the fitting room with a pile of dresses I’m bent over taking off my jeans and see my reflection in the mirror what a flattering pose my belly sagged forward in huge knickers and a vast expanse of white flesh ..... I could have sat on the bench and sobbed.

Four dresses later I find one – this is after Alice and the girl on behind the counter in the fitting rooms have given the thumbs up or down....

We came home and I thought enough is enough I have a huge wardrobe of lovely clothes I can’t get in and I’m trying to “look slim” when I should be trying seriously to get thin........

So that’s when I joined the Fab40 group and got back on Spark People.

I’m in charge now not searching for miracle cures.