Where is the laughter?

For a girl who has always had the glass overflowing, the eternal optimist ....... daydreamer extraordinaire this last two weeks I‘ve had this feeling of drowning in my own overflowing glass of optimism.

So not like me!

I have had this feeling that I’m running 4 hours late – that feeling you have when you oversleep for an important meeting and you don’t have time to wash your hair, you ladder your tights getting dressed and can’t find another pair in that colour so have to rethink the outfit and then miss the train by a nano second.... and you never catch up all day plus you look and feel crap all day.

Well it’s been like that for me and on two days had a knock on effect on my diet – thankfully I got home in the evening and checked into Spark People and retrieved the situation and put it into perspective so didn’t continue down the road to crappy eating ......... you know the one where you think to hell with it one super large pizza with a tub of Ben & Jerry’s will just finish off the crap day and then you lie in bed filled with self loathing and bloated.........

The other thing is I turned quite introverted and just went into my shell which is quite unlike me- so this week I slowed the pace right down and did a big review of all my routines and work and just every area of my life.

I went through my diary for December “the season to be jolly” looked at the schedule and thought where is the laughter? So all the dreary meetings are out , plus all the meetings with people who are booked in “just because we need to catch up before Christmas “ – I thought actually if truth be known I don’t like you 11 months of the year so why do I have to suffer you just because Christmas is coming .......?




Mean I know but hey I’m Santa’s naughty elf and I have to use that time to work off the illegal Starbucks eggnog latte (350 calories) I had twice.........

Pedometer......

As I have decided to do a 21 day challenge covering 5K I have bought a pedometer? In the past I have bought them for a few pounds and they have been useless so I decided as I’m taking this seriously I would invest in a decent one.

I bought a Gaiam Walking Fit Kit which has a pedometer and a disc to talk you through this by Debbie Rocker.




Right the pedometer comes with useless instructions and has way to many gadgets on it for instance I have a small tiny torch, a panic alarm and then a calorie burner and you can set your stride ...... the “audio” CD has to be heard at least 4 times and it lasts 45 minutes ...........

So after much frustration I have drafted in daughter who works everything out but in that annoying way where she does it and just hands it back to you.

Now I had plotted out my route on the handy function on Spark People and I know I’m covering 5K as I have run round the park for Race For Life and it’s a 5K race but last night on the inaugural walk with Biggie it said I have covered 2.5K ... in fact the route I took would have been nearer 6K ....... so go figure and I only burned 95 calories .....

So I’m ignoring about 90% of these functions and just using it to measure steps and hopefully this afternoon when we have a spare hour I’ll work out how it measures my stride as I have a large stride & the reading is a little more accurate ......

Its 8lbs down and less of the belly jelly roll.

This is week four of the belly picture and yes putting it up in cyber space has made me think about how much I want to lose weight and how I hate my jelly rolls/ love handles........

I have not taken pills/ shakes/ bars- I have just cut out all the rubbish I also take my glasses to the supermarket and read what is in each item I buy looking at all the hidden ingredients.

I have reduced the mountains of carb’s I devoured on a daily basis and I’m now eating fresh seasonal vegetables daily as a main meal......

I have been blogging on Spark People about why I have put on weight and what has stopped me losing weight – the answer to that is – one I eat badly which piled on the weight and the reason I just grew and grew was I was lazy.

I would start every week off with good intentions but it would fall by the way side and there would be a million excuses like my work schedule or something why the weight went on and not off.

So 8lbs down and four weeks in not huge massive weight loss but I feel better about myself and my clothes are fitting .......there is more to go but I do know by taking action now I’m not going into the Christmas holidays fat and going to go into 2010 fatter .....

I know there is not a “magic bullet” out there which will make me a skinny bitch it’s down to me thinking about what I put in my mouth every time I open it.

A blog a day helps keep the fat away..........

After posting my lardy belly into cyber space aka the World Wide Web I thought actually blogging every day does help as I have to be accountable and it helps rationalise my thoughts.

What am I doing today will I fall into bad habits – will I scoff the wrong food because I didn’t plan ahead.

Here is a woman who plans her wardrobe out for a week........ Yes down to shoes, scarves, jewellery and of course shoes ...... but food no!

Then I’m bitching because I can’t fit into anything........... Well now no more.

Might as well let it all hang out there besides Sparks People and Fabulously 40 and beyond.............

Invisible pants my big fat ass........

As I have got fatter and fatter I have gone from slinky matching sets to larger and larger knickers ...... and obviously more conscious of my visible pant line.

So I now wear these huge numbers which are called "invisible knickers" – the other week I spent a horrible Sunday afternoon in a fitting room in Marks and Spencer trying to find a dress to wear which would look smart but also slim me down – yes I’m searching the racks of Britain’s best loved store for a miracle ! I know Sir Stuart Rose is in the middle of a turnaround but please even he can’t magic 15lbs away with a frock!

As I’m in the fitting room with a pile of dresses I’m bent over taking off my jeans and see my reflection in the mirror what a flattering pose my belly sagged forward in huge knickers and a vast expanse of white flesh ..... I could have sat on the bench and sobbed.

Four dresses later I find one – this is after Alice and the girl on behind the counter in the fitting rooms have given the thumbs up or down....

We came home and I thought enough is enough I have a huge wardrobe of lovely clothes I can’t get in and I’m trying to “look slim” when I should be trying seriously to get thin........

So that’s when I joined the Fab40 group and got back on Spark People.

I’m in charge now not searching for miracle cures.