Line in the sand...........

I often wonder what makes other women draw the line in the sand and actually get down to the business of losing weight and maintaining their weight in a sensible manner and embracing all the aspects of diets.

Let’s face it we do the “I’ll start on Monday or after the holidays etc.....” or we may start every Monday for a month with good intentions but by 4pm have blown the “diet” with half a packet of digestives or we pick a diet with such rigid food intake or bizarre food combinations with either have to become a hermit or we just chuck in the towel on day three due to feeling nausea at our own breath or we have no energy to dice cucumber into a cup and eat it with a cocktail stick just like the diet tells you too.

Mine was my meltdown in the changing room at M&S where I was looking for a dress that would “slim me” the dress with the magic bullet to dissolve fat has yet to be invented so why I was rushing round the racks of M&S on the Kings Road is beyond me.
I think it was the harsh reality of there is no such dress ........... Plus there never will be and if I wanted to look slimmer I had to be slimmer so I needed to get a grip and not just get all angry and hit the food hall next door and buy a £10 3 course meal deal with pudding thrown in.

So Sunday 4th of October was my line in the sand day ......

Night out........

Tonight I’m off to Drapers the fashion industry bible “Great British Fashion Event” one of those nights money can’t buy where we celebrate the great British fashion businesses.

So Marks and Spencer is 125 years old and Selfridges the iconic department store is 100 and the young fashion brand New Look has just hit 40 so obviously fabulous.
So had to get a new dress and shoes........ Shoes okay I’ll get those first as I can work the outfit round those and everything will be okay?

I’ve gone for a satin tiered sheath dress from Monsoon a British company – its slimming and I hope I look slimmer after all this effort.

I’m now working on the head and feet theory – if I pay attention to my hair and then my feet no one will notice the body in-between hidden by a very large clutch bag with a snarling Chihuahua on it...

I have spent this afternoon in my Velcro rollers getting my very straight hair to play curly for one night (fat chance).

I’m going to wear my super strength tights so they grip and hold just hope with some of this weight off the force of gravity doesn’t start to drag the top down and I have an unsightly bulge or second bosom effect after a few drinks.
I have also just eaten ham and eggs so I’m not going to nibble.

How do you motivate yourself.......?

I’m obsessed with fashion and I hate being fat/ chubby and having a protruding belly and larger breasts as my clothes doesn’t fit or hang well.

Blouses and jackets gap and I feel people just see this rotund woman who bulges so I end up buy accessories and shoes and bags and sulk because I can’t find anything to fit and have huge dramas because I looking my bursting wardrobe and have nothing to wear – yes I have clothes but nothing to wear I feel comfortable in or look presentable in.

So I now have two dresses which I can wear they don’t bulge, gap or make me look like I’m pregnant. I’m only wearing those until the weight comes off & I’m going through all my accessories and shoes to make them look different so taking one black sheath dress I’m adding colour with pinks or reds and then if it’s an evening event – black and some pearls.

In effect I have a capsule wardrobe and I know I’ll get bored so the only way to break the boredom is to lose weight so the rest of the wardrobe opens up like a magic cave........

So this is the day dress – I call it my cocoon dress from Marks and Spencer – it’s a long sleeve shirt dress and is short enough to show my legs but not too much.........

I have been out today to Drapers and then onto another meeting with opaque tights and my super bargain ankle boots from Marks and Spencer’s ......... it was warm enough today to wear without a coat.

I feel hidden in this dress but it’s not voluminous that I feel I’m wafting in a huge tent.

Invisible pants my big fat ass........

As I have got fatter and fatter I have gone from slinky matching sets to larger and larger knickers ...... and obviously more conscious of my visible pant line.

So I now wear these huge numbers which are called "invisible knickers" – the other week I spent a horrible Sunday afternoon in a fitting room in Marks and Spencer trying to find a dress to wear which would look smart but also slim me down – yes I’m searching the racks of Britain’s best loved store for a miracle ! I know Sir Stuart Rose is in the middle of a turnaround but please even he can’t magic 15lbs away with a frock!

As I’m in the fitting room with a pile of dresses I’m bent over taking off my jeans and see my reflection in the mirror what a flattering pose my belly sagged forward in huge knickers and a vast expanse of white flesh ..... I could have sat on the bench and sobbed.

Four dresses later I find one – this is after Alice and the girl on behind the counter in the fitting rooms have given the thumbs up or down....

We came home and I thought enough is enough I have a huge wardrobe of lovely clothes I can’t get in and I’m trying to “look slim” when I should be trying seriously to get thin........

So that’s when I joined the Fab40 group and got back on Spark People.

I’m in charge now not searching for miracle cures.